My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
