Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
