He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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