I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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