Taylor Swift is so right about you.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
