did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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