she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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