Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We don't watch enough power rangers
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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