Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
