I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
