normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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