Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
