Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
