I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
