Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
