Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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