Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
