Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
