Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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