it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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