So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
