Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
