Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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