fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
