So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She bit a glass in half.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
