just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
