I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
