dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
