Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
