She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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