Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she peed on how many people?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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