so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My feet surprised me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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