yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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