i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
