omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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