a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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