just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
