i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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