FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
