i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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