got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
