He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
