i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
