I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
