You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
