can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
please come you make the beer taste better
i wish my penis had a tongue
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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