I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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