bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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