atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you would pick up someone in the library
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
