So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
