so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
